Whenever I am feeling particularly negative, stressed, overwhelmed, irrationally scared, easily annoyed, and just plain in a slump of a dump, I find that the cycle is hard to break unless I do something to purposefully interrupt it and to lighten my mood. There are several ways to do this. For more serious issues, I find the techniques discussed in earlier posts of using Bible verses and quotes to be very helpful. Sometimes, however, I just need to blow the storm cloud from over my head, and for that, I find that having an attitude of gratitude or the distraction of humor to be particularly helpful.
Let's start with the "attitude of gratitude." This is actually discussed in several of the books I have referenced for our study, and that's because it works! Years ago I was working in a job that I would describe as low paying, inconsistent, and "a trained monkey could do it." Clearly, there was frustration a-brewin' just based on those descriptions. My car was starting to leak transmission fluid, but I couldn't afford to replace it because... I didn't make enough money at my lousy job. You get the idea. I quickly got into a very negative cycle of grumbling and complaining, being easily annoyed, and focusing on the negative. Thankfully, I started reading Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff and some of the entries really addressed the idea of being thankful and focusing on the positive. I started to make being thankful my focus, and I cannot even tell you the difference it made in my level of happiness and contentment, and how it changed my whole outlook on life.
Instead of lamenting all of the bad aspects of my job, my car, etc. I started to replace those thoughts with others such as, "I'm thankful that I have a car to drive that gets me to and from work," "I'm thankful that I have money to put gas in the tank," "I'm thankful we can pay the mortgage and all of our bills this month," "I'm thankful for my co-workers that are kind to me." I found that I could essentially find something to be thankful for in just about every situation. I may have to park on the roof of the parking structure because the rest of the lot is full, but it's a nice day so I'm going to appreciate a little time in the sunshine. I still find myself thanking God for beautiful days, close parking spaces when it's raining, an item I need being on sale, or waking up just in time on a day I forgot to set my alarm. I see those things as God's activity in the little things of my daily life, and if I choose to focus on them, I feel cared for, and know He is with me. Honestly, any little thing you can notice to be thankful for will pull your focus away from the negative and change your perspective to one that is more positive. Grateful people are peaceful people.
Finally, good ol' humor is incredibly powerful. Laughter really is the best medicine for a stormy mood. I personally love the old TV show Friends because I really cannot watch an episode without laughing no matter what mood I'm in. So if you are feeling frustrated, angry, or scared, try giving yourself a timeout and watching or listening to something that makes you laugh. Maybe you have a favorite comedy on DVD that you could watch, or simply look up Bill Cosby on YouTube and watch a few clips of stand-up comedy. Think about what consistently makes you laugh, and keep it on hand. I'm always amazed at how a little humorous distraction can get me out of a rut.
Here's a really short clip from Friends that brings a smile to my face. Feel free to leave a comment letting us know what makes you laugh. We could all use some fresh material to keep us chuckling!
Friends - Joey and Chandler
Friday, July 22, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Auto-Thoughts Recap
"Automatic thoughts, the ideas that just pop into your head quickly, without effort, and with little or no awareness, happen thousands of times each day. When you are upset by something, automatic thoughts run through your head telling you how to view the situation." - excerpt from Never Good Enough by Monica Ramirez Basco, Ph.D.
At our last meeting we discussed the topic of auto-thoughts and how they influence our perception of situations, and consequently, our physical and emotional reactions to those situations. Auto-thoughts play a huge role in sweating the small stuff. The problem is, they really are automatic and ingrained, and therefore difficult to change. The first step in changing a thinking error is to recognize it. The following are 3 steps we discussed that will help us change negative auto-thoughts. These steps are taken from the book, Be Happy Without Being Perfect by Alice D. Domar, Ph.D.
1) Identify Detrimental Thoughts
"Start by looking at a problem,' or something causing you stress, 'and backing up to find its root." "Pay extra-close attention to any thought that contains the absolutist words, "must," "should," "shouldn't," "always," "never," "have to," and "ought," because they often play a part in distorted thinking."
Writing down what you are thinking when you are feeling stressed can help you identify the root thought, as can asking yourself, "What is really bothering me here?" Then follow the rabbit trail back to the root of what is really bothering you. This can take some digging!
2) Challenge Your Thoughts
Look at all negative auto-thoughts you identify and demand answers to all of the questions below that are applicable.
- Is this thought really true?
- Am I jumping to conclusions?
- What is the evidence?
- Am I exaggerating or overemphasizing a negative aspect of the situation?
- Am I catastrophizing - that is, thinking of a small problem as a huge catastrophe?
- How do I know it will happen?
- So what if it happens?
-Is it really as bad as it seems?
- Is it to my advantage to maintain this appraisal?
- Is there another way to look at the situation?
3) Restructure Your Thoughts
"Examine the thought closely. Take from it any truth and push aside the distortions. Then re-create the thought in a way that causes less stress."
Example: Change the thought from "I can't sleep if there are dirty dishes in the sink." to "I prefer having the dishes done before I go to bed, but it's more important for me to sleep than to wash dishes."
I hope we are all able to identify a few of our biggest offenders. In the coming weeks we will work on tackling these together, and hopefully begin to experience some new found freedom in these areas!
~Heather
At our last meeting we discussed the topic of auto-thoughts and how they influence our perception of situations, and consequently, our physical and emotional reactions to those situations. Auto-thoughts play a huge role in sweating the small stuff. The problem is, they really are automatic and ingrained, and therefore difficult to change. The first step in changing a thinking error is to recognize it. The following are 3 steps we discussed that will help us change negative auto-thoughts. These steps are taken from the book, Be Happy Without Being Perfect by Alice D. Domar, Ph.D.
1) Identify Detrimental Thoughts
"Start by looking at a problem,' or something causing you stress, 'and backing up to find its root." "Pay extra-close attention to any thought that contains the absolutist words, "must," "should," "shouldn't," "always," "never," "have to," and "ought," because they often play a part in distorted thinking."
Writing down what you are thinking when you are feeling stressed can help you identify the root thought, as can asking yourself, "What is really bothering me here?" Then follow the rabbit trail back to the root of what is really bothering you. This can take some digging!
2) Challenge Your Thoughts
Look at all negative auto-thoughts you identify and demand answers to all of the questions below that are applicable.
- Is this thought really true?
- Am I jumping to conclusions?
- What is the evidence?
- Am I exaggerating or overemphasizing a negative aspect of the situation?
- Am I catastrophizing - that is, thinking of a small problem as a huge catastrophe?
- How do I know it will happen?
- So what if it happens?
-Is it really as bad as it seems?
- Is it to my advantage to maintain this appraisal?
- Is there another way to look at the situation?
3) Restructure Your Thoughts
"Examine the thought closely. Take from it any truth and push aside the distortions. Then re-create the thought in a way that causes less stress."
Example: Change the thought from "I can't sleep if there are dirty dishes in the sink." to "I prefer having the dishes done before I go to bed, but it's more important for me to sleep than to wash dishes."
I hope we are all able to identify a few of our biggest offenders. In the coming weeks we will work on tackling these together, and hopefully begin to experience some new found freedom in these areas!
~Heather
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